HELP! HAIR COLOR TO DARK :(?

OK, i must have some spell on my hair. lol everytime i do my highlights they end up looking like a cheetah or feeling like rubber bands and horrible ends. so it happen recently. i ended up going to a beauty supply and bought permanent dark brown to cover it. well i left patches. had to go to a salon and they darkend my hair that it looks jet black. I HATE IT!! can someone please tell me how i can lighten it safely? NO BLEACH, maybe prell shampoo or dish soap? or what please?? i NEED to lighten this hair. Thnks